youth coach with CU logo what really makes a coach fair?

What it Truly Means for a Coach to be Fair

There is no question that coaches should be fair in how they treat kids, but what does it actually look like when a coach treats every athlete fairly?

What is Fair?

  • Fair is defined as freedom from bias, dishonesty, or injustice.
  • Fair means that a coach is always honest with his players and parents.
  • Fair means that a coach doesn’t hold biases against players.
  • Fair means that every kid has a chance to prove himself.
  • Fair means that the team rules apply to everyone equally.
  • Fair means that coaches and players should treat each other with respect.


What Fair is NOT

  • Fair does not mean that every athlete—we’re talking higher levels of competition here—gets equal playing time.
  • Fair does not mean that every athlete gets to play the position he wants.
  • Fair does not mean that every player will be treated the same. 

I came to understand this after several years of being a sports parent. More than once, I felt my kids were treated “unfairly”.

It happened to my oldest daughter when she played softball. Her high school coach harped on her about mistakes more than he did some of the other players.

My son’s varsity football coach would get after him for mistakes constantly while ignoring the mistakes of some other players.

My youngest daughter’s volleyball coach was always hard on her. There were days when she felt like he disliked her, even though we knew that wasn’t true.

I was lamenting this “unfairness” to my husband one day when he told me that coaches often push certain kids harder—kids who they feel have more potential, who can handle the pushing, and who sometimes just need a figurative swift kick in the butt to get them to work harder. Hearing that coaching perspective didn’t help me like the “unfairness” any better, but it did help me understand why some coaches treat players differently.

As a parent, I also understand that all kids don’t respond to the same treatment. A form of discipline that works with one kid may not phase another. You know your child, and you know what works best for their good.

If your child’s coach is fair—as I defined above—give him the freedom to manage the team in a way that will help each child perform their best and reach their potential. It may not look like he’s not treating everyone the same, but it’s likely in the best interest of the whole team.


youth coach with CU logo what really makes a coach fair?

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