{"id":1887,"date":"2018-01-22T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-01-22T05:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/webinology.website\/nation2021\/dad-i-need-grit-part-2-allow-failure-to-work-its-magic\/"},"modified":"2024-06-18T13:44:44","modified_gmt":"2024-06-18T17:44:44","slug":"dad-i-need-grit-part-2-allow-failure-to-work-its-magic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.coachup.com\/nation\/articles\/dad-i-need-grit-part-2-allow-failure-to-work-its-magic","title":{"rendered":"Dad, I Need Grit (part 2): Allow failure to work its magic"},"content":{"rendered":"

See<\/em><\/a> part 1<\/a> in this series: Dad, I Need Grit: Who are our kids playing for?<\/em><\/p>\n

Allow failure to work its magic.<\/strong><\/p>\n

When your child does something significant on the athletic field and other parents are expressing their appreciation of his or her skills it\u2019s hard not to feel filled with pride, and even harder not to allow that pride to spill over into thinking we\u2019ve done something special as well.<\/em><\/p>\n

And why not?<\/p>\n

We take them to training and games many times a week. We spend an awful lot of money on playing fees and equipment and even personal coaching. Some of us put our hands up and help with the team or club or the grounds, so yes, it is nice to ride on the coattails of our young athletes and feel we are very much a part of it.<\/p>\n

I know how it feels. And if I think I\u2019m innocent of such self-satisfying grandeur then I only have to reflect when my son makes errors, strikes out, gets injured, or is not picked on a team. How does my sensitive ego handle it then? (That\u2019s rhetorical)<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re anything like me, then internally, you\u2019re being eaten up<\/strong>. We want our kids to succeed so much we do feel the impact of their rollercoaster ride of ups and downs.<\/p>\n

We acknowledge failure with a smile on our face knowing it\u2019s an essential learning tool of life, but we\u2019ll do whatever it takes to protect our kids from failure because we\u2019re also protecting ourselves from failure\u2019s grief.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Let me confess something to you. When my son gets injured it causes me more frustration and anger than anything else. He\u2019s had some beauties, so to say; and right before major representative tournaments as well. I want so desperately to step in and protect him somehow from this side of failure\u2014when his body fails.<\/p>\n

I think someone needs to protect me from this failure more than my son needs protection. He has learned to handle the pain of missing out and is incredibly diligent with his recovery exercises. He said to me recently, \u201cDad, if I can\u2019t handle these little injuries now and put them into perspective, I\u2019m never going to have a chance if I do suffer something serious when I play overseas.\u201d (His application to exercise and stretching has always got him back on the park much sooner than expected.)<\/p>\n

He allows failure and injury to play its natural course, but I want to interfere with it. <\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019ve seen how we can also interfere with the magic of failure by trying to over prepare our kids for failure. You\u2019ve heard the old adage, if you fail to prepare then you prepare to fail. Yet, I\u2019m referring to a young athlete who has<\/em> prepared and still has the misfortune of failure\u2014or possibly the benefit, depending on how one looks at it.<\/p>\n

A well-meaning parent may use what they think are wise and invaluable words when they confront their child with, \u201cWhat if\u2026?\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What if you don\u2019t get selected? What if you get injured? What if you don\u2019t play your favourite position? What if you\u2019re in the weaker team? What if your friends are chosen and you\u2019re not? What if you don\u2019t make the major league? What if you don\u2019t get the grade you need? What if this or that happens?<\/p>\n

You know what I\u2019m talking about here. \u201cWhat ifs\u2026\u201d can be sensible and help a person \u2018hedge their bets\u2019 and bring balance to their thinking, but they can also send a message of doubt and insecurity, of uncertainty and lack of vision. I\u2019ve heard \u201cwhat ifs\u2026\u201d used both positively and negatively\u2014most of the time negatively<\/strong>. And when the term is used negatively, we fear the possibility of failure for not only our kids but also the grief it brings us.<\/p>\n

If we teach our kids how to cushion the blow of failure and attempt to let them down softly, we are not properly preparing them for life because we are not letting life and failure do their work. <\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Something else that is quite noticeable in our super-encouraging era of sport parenting and coaching\u2014we\u2019ve become over the top to some young players when they get out in baseball to try to build them back up, and over the top in our accolades when a child does something good\u2014even if it something that is a given or expected.<\/p>\n

Some of you may get me wrong here, I hope not. I\u2019m all for encouragement<\/em>. And I understand certain kids are at different levels and need some confidence building.<\/p>\n

However, there is a growing number of young athletes that have become extremely reliant upon having their \u2018tires over inflated\u2019 and when failure hits, they go into meltdown. <\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

A father who coaches his own young son (age 8) asked me how to deal with this. He was at his wits end about how to stop his son from having meltdowns. The son was a good little player who was super-encouraged by his dad when he got out or made a mistake, and was super-praised when he made a great play or hit. I told the dad to stop being super-encouraging and super-praising. Just say to him, \u201cdon\u2019t worry, next time,\u201d and \u201cwell done, nice job.\u201d<\/p>\n

The father saw changes within a couple of weeks. The meltdowns became far less. The son was no longer craving the attention as before; he got on with the job of being part of a team and doing. The father stopped over compensating for failure and allowed failure to work its magic.<\/p>\n

As parents, we play a massive role in raising our kids, whether they\u2019ll be all-stars or not.<\/p>\n

The key is to learn to get out of the way\u2014the more we interfere with failure the more our kids do not learn grit.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The father I just spoke about made the hard decision to do what is unnatural in all of us and get out of the way. He realized he was the problem\u2026and also the solution.<\/p>\n

Take the pressure off yourselves, parents; release your kids and let failure work its magic.<\/p>\n

\n

CoachUp is the safest and easiest way to find a coach for personalized training. With our 100% money-back guarantee and vetted coaches, anyone can achieve their full athletic potential.\u00a0Find your perfect coach<\/a>\u00a0today and become the athlete you want to be!<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

See part 1 in this series: Dad, I Need Grit: Who are our kids playing for? Allow failure to work its magic. When your child does something significant on the athletic field and other parents are expressing their appreciation of his or her skills it\u2019s hard not to feel filled with pride, and even harder […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":68,"featured_media":1888,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45],"tags":[171,1487,571,147,369,1486,1485,569,146,18,189],"class_list":["post-1887","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parents","tag-coaching-kids","tag-helping-kids-cope-with-sports-losses","tag-helping-kids-gain-confidence","tag-how-to-be-a-good-sports-parent","tag-how-to-coach-kids","tag-how-to-deal-with-a-loss","tag-kids-failure","tag-sports-coaching","tag-sports-parenting","tag-youth-sports","tag-youth-sports-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nDad, I Need Grit (part 2): Allow failure to work its magic - CoachUp Nation<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.coachup.com\/nation\/articles\/dad-i-need-grit-part-2-allow-failure-to-work-its-magic\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dad, I Need Grit (part 2): Allow failure to work its magic - CoachUp Nation\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"See part 1 in this series: Dad, I Need Grit: Who are our kids playing for? 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Allow failure to work its magic. 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