{"id":1072,"date":"2018-07-26T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-07-26T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/webinology.website\/nation2021\/dad-it-doesnt-matter\/"},"modified":"2024-05-06T21:18:41","modified_gmt":"2024-05-07T01:18:41","slug":"dad-it-doesnt-matter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.coachup.com\/nation\/articles\/dad-it-doesnt-matter","title":{"rendered":"Dad! It Doesn\u2019t Matter!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It\u2019s nice to be acknowledged. It feels good to be recognized.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the contrary, it\u2019s distressing to feel forgotten. It is even worse to feel like your child has been overlooked.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The need for acknowledgment and recognition is very real.<\/strong> To know you\u2019ve contributed something of value and then not be acknowledged for it leaves us frustrated. I can still hear my own despairing voice in my head from times gone past, “I\u2019m feeling completely unappreciated right now.”<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I spoke to a father about his 10-year-old son and how his soccer season was going. The father told me that his son was doing well and enjoyed playing for the team he\u2019s on. He told me about the last game and how his son scored two goals and added two assists in the team’s 4-0 win. The father was very proud of his son\u2019s achievements that week but he was extremely agitated about something else.<\/strong> His son didn\u2019t receive any 3-2-1 points from the coach as an acknowledgement for his contribution to the win.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I listened to him as he explained in detail his son\u2019s performance in that game and how he deserved the highest award of three points, but his kid didn\u2019t even get one. The father was baffled with the whole point scoring system, and his frustration had boiled over to the point of arguing the coach’s approach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The coach had apparently created the 3-2-1 point system to applaud role players on the team. Defensemen and rotational bench players who don’t get the glory of scoring. The father, however, couldn\u2019t see the fairness in that and the message. He wanted his son to be recognized for his accomplishments, and told me that he felt there was no choice but to say something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I responded, \u201cPlease tell me you didn\u2019t text or email the coach…\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, I didn\u2019t,\u201d he sheepishly responded, \u201cbut I typed a few out, and I still want to press send.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019re telling me the truth, you didn\u2019t send anything?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m ready to, but I\u2019m holding back.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cHave you spoken about this with any other parent in the team?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOnly you, right now,\u201d he said, \u201cI told my wife and she just said I\u2019m crazy and I need to calm down.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut you\u2019re not calm yet?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI can\u2019t let it go. It makes a mockery of the 3-2-1 system; and every other parent could see my son deserved the points.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo, the coach has no idea what you\u2019re thinking?\u201d I had to ask again\u2014just in case.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The father reiterated with me what the coach was looking for and why he allocates the points to different positions. He started to see reason in what the coach was trying to do, and I further explained the fairness in what the coach of a 10-year-old soccer team was trying to do. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eventually, the father came to his senses and realized, “Dad, It doesn\u2019t matter!” His son couldn’t care less about the 3-2-1 system, and just wanted to play with his friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I told him that if he\u2019d said or written anything to the coach it could create a divide between him and the coach for the rest of the season. There is no escaping that. <\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I further asked him if his son was one of the better players in the team. He said he was. And if I were to ask other parents in the team, would they rate your son as one of the main players. He humbly said yes. Therefore, you know he\u2019s important to the team, and the coach and the parents know he\u2019s important to the team. Your son loves playing with his mates, and couldn\u2019t care less about earning 3-2-1, is there really any problem here?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His next words were full of surrender and humility: “I\u2019m glad we spoke before I blew it big time.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"iStock-180707982<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Meanwhile, back to the action\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After I hung up on this troubled (but now freed Dad), I spoke about the whole 3-2-1-recognition thing to a former rugby coach. He explained how coaches often struggle to treat all of their players fairly. They are constantly looking for reasons and other<\/em> things happening in the game to applaud. Things that will rarely ever be noticed by a parent who is fixated on their own child’s success. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He also said that it\u2019s imperative for the coach to not only acknowledge the importance of all the positions, but to reward the important role that those positions play in the game.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A good coach will recognize and acknowledge quality players in their team. Moreover, they\u2019ll recognize the little things a young athlete does that most won\u2019t see.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Examples of little things that most don\u2019t see: <\/p>\n\n\n\n